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Communicating your desire to return to work after childbirth

Congratulations on giving birth and finishing your postpartum confinement.

If you’ve been a “career woman” all your life, you may be eager to get back to work after your 30-day confinement period.

So here comes the question:

Should you feel guilty about leaving your baby in the hands of a helper or not?

Well, I don’t think you should be because there’s nothing wrong with wanting to go back to work.

But, if you’ve never had a proper conversation with your spouse about the decision, it might pose a little conflict there.

It’s not always about financial issues

While having a single-income arrangement can put a strain on family finances, I think it’s not always about the money.

Let’s say your spouse has a decent-paying job and can support the family without you working, should you then make the “sacrifice” to stay home and take care of the baby?

Call me selfish but I won’t do it.

Yes, kids grow up fast and I may potentially miss the key moments of their growth if I’m a full-time working parent.

But, I didn’t come this far in my career to give up just because of family commitments.

So here comes the issue: talking to your spouse about it.

Share why returning to work matters to you

My reason to return to work after childbirth may differ from yours but ultimately, you want your partner to understand your stance.

Maybe you have big plans to upgrade from an HDB to a private property.

Image Credits: edgeprop.sg

Or perhaps you’re an extreme extrovert that thrives on being outdoors and having a work routine to look forward to.

Whatever the case, share why returning to work matters to you and come to a compromise if necessary.

Key considerations to have during the planning stage

There are inevitably many things to talk about but here are two I think should be settled:

Analyze your finances

Let’s say your husband’s income is satisfactory if you stay home to look after the baby 24/7. But if you decide to find a job, this means you will need someone to watch the baby.

Whether it’s leaving your little one to their ah gong/ah ma, considering half/full-day infant care, or hiring a full-time helper, that will mean some additional expenses every month.

Sit down and analyze your personal and family finances together, and see how to work things around.

Splitting the childcare responsibility

You’re only going to tire yourself if you parent alone. And you shouldn’t, anyway.

The baby belongs to you and your partner, and since you’re also heading out to work, then core childcare responsibilities should be laid out and split.

It’s impossible to spilt right down the middle but the main idea is to share the burden.

For instance, who’s going to drop off/pick up the baby after infant care hours, and how many “time-offs” does one get in a month (social life stuff)?

Seek parenting advice from others who’re on the same journey

You’re never alone.

Cliche but it’s true.

There are many people out there on the same journey as you are and I believe you will gain a lot from listening to the stories of others.

I found this active, private Facebook group called Stork’s Nest Singapore that has been around for more than a decade with over 14K members:

Their posts are centered on babies/children/family/full-time helpers so I think it would be of great relevance to you.

As we close, I just want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to head back to the workplace. Gender-dictated roles have come so far and what our parents have gone through doesn’t have to dictate our future footsteps. It’s your life ultimately so whether you choose to be a “career woman” or a full-time mom, no one should have the right to point a finger at you and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.

How to get better at planning ahead in life

Yes, I don’t deny that living in the moment is cool.

Life is short after all and there’s nothing wrong with wanna grab it by the horns and steering it in whatever way you deem fit.

But…

Planning ahead in life is equally important too.

You can’t just always leave it to luck to determine your course or go with the flow all the time.

It’s time to find out ways to help you get better at planning in life—short- or long-term.

What’s your “now”?

To get started, you need to know how to get started.

So I want you to access what’s your present situation, your “now.”

Simply put, where you are in currently in life and where you want to get to. Maybe it’s furthering your education, getting promoted to a managerial position, or making use of every public holiday to travel out and see a new place.

Aha, which brings me to bring this to your attention:

Travel Thursday: 3D2N Itinerary to Miri, Malaysia at $204.20/pax (flights + hotel)

It’s a new series I’ve started yesterday and if you love traveling as much as I do, but trying not to spend too much, check out the above article.

Okay, so back to the topic.

Wait, we’re still on point.

You see, planning also applies to traveling.

I used to plan for my travels months before so I get the best deal. But sometimes, life gets busy and we don’t have extra time to sit down and plan the nitty gritty.

And that’s okay.

That itinerary is prepared in view of Labor Day’s long weekend so we’re still some time away from it.

Buy your plane tickets and book your hotel ASAP if you want to avoid price hikes!

Where do you want to get to?

For those who are not travel freaks, let’s look at another example, shall we?

For instance, maybe you want to get promoted at work.

Image Credits: theladders.com

That’s one big goal, right?

It’s time to break down that goal into actionable mini-goals you can take to move closer to your destination.

If I were you, I would find out the criteria to get promoted.

Speak to your hiring manager about their plans to hire a manager or senior manager and what they are seeking in terms of qualifications, etc.

Or you can simply search job portals to see if your company has put up any hiring notices.

These job ads and their relevant descriptions are your blueprints for getting promoted.

That’s because you know what is required for you to be considered for a more senior position.

Just take a look at this recent job ad put up by Hilton for a senior manager position:

Whether it’s a degree, a graduate degree, or top-up certifications, you know where your next goal should be—start studying.

Are 5-year plans necessary?

I’ve read much advice asking people to draft a 5-year plan.

Honestly, I don’t have one and I think I’m doing not too bad. But it ultimately depends on you.

If you can’t even keep to a simple list of new year’s resolutions, then a 5-year plan is just going to flop.

I would rather have actionable plans for the first 6 months and then add more along the way than craft an ancient scroll that I won’t even relook at.

Okay, so let’s sum things up. To get better at planning ahead in life: reevaluate your present situation, think about where you want to get to and write down actionable steps you can take within the next 6 months to get things moving. One step at a time works better in the long term than trying to sprint and tire yourself out halfway, yeah.

Travel Thursday: 3D2N Itinerary to Miri, Malaysia at $204.20/pax (flights + hotel)

Labor Day’s approaching, right?

Have you had your holiday plans set yet?

If not, let me warmly welcome you to this new Travel Thursday series where I bring you a FREE itinerary planned by yours truly.

In this “first episode”, we will look at a 3D2N itinerary to Miri, Malaysia.

We love Malaysia, don’t we? But when trips to Johor Bahru and Kuala Lumpur get a little repetitive, why not give other cities a go? And that’s why I’ve decided on Miri for us.

Since Labor Day falls on 1 May, a Monday, this itinerary’s prices will be based on research done for 29 April to 1 May 2023 (2-to-go):

AirAsia flights, round trip for 2 pax: $347.40 ($173.70/pax)

Ajang Hotel (superior queen with city view): $61 including taxes ($30.50/pax)

Agoda and ShopBack have a collaboration that could get you up to 15% off so you might want to check that out before booking:

Total: $173.70 + $30.50 = $204.20/pax

Prices reflected are accurate at the time of writing.

29 April 2023, Saturday

Flight: AirAsia

7.15 am Reach Singapore Changi Airport T4 for check-in

10.15 am Flight to Miri

12.15 pm Touch down at Miri Airport

Hotel: Ajang Hotel

1.15 pm Grab/take a taxi to Ajang Hotel

Address: Jalan Sri Dagang, 98000 Miri, Sarawak, Malaysia

1.45 pm Reach Ajang Hotel (estimated time is about 20 minutes but that depends on the traffic too)

Image Credits: ajang-hotel-miri-my.booked.net

Check-in is at 3 pm. So if early check-in is unavailable, leave your luggage and bring your valuable belongings along because it’s time for late lunch.

Late lunch: Restoran Ayam Penyet Ria

There are various options around the hotel but you can try Restoran Ayam Penyet Ria, which is just right beside the entrance of Ajang Hotel.

You should already be starving by now, no need to walk so far lah, hor?

*Plan ahead*

After lunch, you may want to head to Lemongrass Family Reflexology & Spa (Permaisuri) to book an appointment for a massage session tomorrow night (30 April) so you can be guaranteed a spot.

The massage shop has gotten pretty good reviews and it’s just a 3-minute walk from Ajang Hotel. Good choice!

3 pm Check-in, freshen up, and rest a little.

4 pm Take a 3-minute walk to Miri Waterfront to snap some pictures of the iconic seahorse-looking sculpture.

Image Credits: Adrian Lunsong on Google Reviews

4.30 pm Grab or hop on an 8-minute ride to Coco Cabana

Address: Lot 2260, Jln Bandaraya, 98000 Miri, Sarawak, Malaysia

Coco Cabana is one of the top sights in Miri with a 4.4 rating from over 4,500 reviews on Google. It’s certainly worth your time.

Image Credits: Ariel Abriam on Google Reviews

There’s also another seahorse-looking sculpture here at Coco Cabana. Walk around Miri Marina, Miri Central Park, and Marina Bay Park and catch the sunset before grabbing dinner.

Dinner: Wondering Seafood Restaurant

7 pm Head to Wondering Seafood Restaurant about an 11-minute walk from Marina Bay Park.

It can get quite packed in the evening when people start having dinner so you might want to make a reservation first or reach earlier to chope seats yeah.

9 pm Take a 10- to 15-minute walk to Miri Times Square for some pictures and to digest your hearty seafood dinner.

Image Credits: marinaparkcity.com

Watsons and Guardian are available nearby Miri Times Square so you can grab some essentials there.

Food all digested and ready for round 2? Let’s go!

Walk to Recharge Fried Chicken & Beer Cafe within Miri Times Square for some Korean-style food with beer and/or soju.

11 pm Cab back to Ajang Hotel and rest for the day.

30 April 2023, Sunday

All rested from the fatigue from day 1?

Rise and shine, it’s time for day 2.

9 am Breakfast at Hainan Cafe or Wang Sing Cafe. Both eateries are located right behind Ajang Hotel so you will be there in a minute.

Image Credits: See Fong Jong on Google Reviews

10 am Two routes for you to choose from: local markets or shopping malls

If you prefer that local vibe, you may want to check out 2 local markets: Miri Central Market (a 9-minute walk from Hainan Cafe) and Tamu Muhibbah (another 9-minute walk from Miri Central Market).

If you prefer the aircon and shopping mall vibe, then you can consider Permaisuri Imperial City Mall and Bintang Megamall (both are within a 15-minute walk from Hainan Cafe).

12 pm Lunch time! Your lunch place will depend on where you go, whether it’s the markets or the shopping malls. More options at the shopping malls of course.

Or since there’s ample time, you can visit both the local markets and shopping malls!

4 pm Take an 8-minute ride from Bintang Megamall to Saberkas Night Market.

The night market opens at 4 pm according to Google so you will reach just in time for pasar malam snacks and dinner.

Image Credits: جسمي jasmi aris on Google Reviews

6.30 pm Walk about 15 minutes to the nearest Boulevard Shopping Mall for some final shopping/more food before heading back to your hotel area for your spa/massage session.

9 pm Reach Lemongrass Family Reflexology & Spa (Permaisuri) and enjoy your session!

11 pm Head back to Ajang Hotel to pack up and rest.

1 May 2023, Sunday

Happy Labor Day!

It’s your final day here at Miri. Boohoo.

But it’s time to prep for check-out so rise and shine!

7 am Leave for Miri Airport

7.30 am Reach Miri Airport, check-in and have breakfast.

9.55 am AirAsia flight to Singapore

11.55 am Reach Singapore

Time to gear yourself ready to go back to the daily grind on 2 May 😉

Doing things alone is not that scary. Or is it?

I’ve heard many people telling me:

“Doing things alone? So lonely leh.”

But my stance is, why not?

Doing things alone is not that scary, at least for me. But most significantly, it brings about a range of benefits that would make you wish you’d started earlier.

Peace with yourself

I’m kinda on the extreme side so I’ll try to tone things down just for this article.

I mean, I am almost 99% against doing things with someone else because being alone is so liberating.

Call it inner peace or whatever you like, I find myself better able to tune in to my thoughts when I’m on my own. Being with another person can be fun for some, but when it comes to decision-making, the pressure to “heed” someone else’s advice is suffocating.

Outer pressures are so not my thing. If you like that top, or that pants, or have ice kachang for breakfast, then just do it. Why hesitate because of a passing comment or feedback that shouldn’t matter?

The freedom is unmatched

I sound like a loner but don’t get me wrong.

Wait, what’s wrong with being a loner? Ha!

The freedom that comes with being alone and doing things alone is unrivaled. You make the call, do something new, arrive at decisions out of your comfort zone, and just live life on your terms.

Trust me, there are mental health benefits to it. Yes, being sociable has its fair share of advantages too. But being surrounded by people all the time makes you immune to things. Maybe you’ve been a follower all your life, but having a buddy who has exceptional “leadership qualities” has had you slump into being an extreme follower.

Maybe you think that there’s nothing wrong with that but look at it in hindsight, that’s probably the reason why you haven’t been able to go out and do things alone. It’s scary because you’ve been a “follower” all your life. It’s better to let someone else lead the way, take the initiative, and whatever BS.

This has to stop.

Start traveling the world solo

Reminds me of BLACKPINK Jennie’s ‘SOLO’.

A little out of context but the chorus is so fitting.

You shine when you go solo. And that’s so liberating. The best part? You get to take on solo trips abroad, breaking past the walls of our little red dot. No more waiting for friends to match their annual leave to go on vacation together.

I’ve written an entirely separate post on the magic of solo traveling 3 days ago:

Discover the magic of solo traveling

Click through to read if you’re interested.

You’re welcome.

You only stand to gain from being alone

I’m not going to lie, being alone for the first time (or the first few times) can be quite scary. But after X times, I’m immune to those stares.

I’m not asking you to sever ties with your pals and just be that loner no one wants to talk to. I’m asking you to give it a try if you’re so used to doing things in pairs or groups.

Taking a break from social interactions can be healthy. You know the sort that shoots out negative comments with their ever-toxic mind and mouth? Gossiping can be fun but give it an overdose and you can’t wait to leave that gathering.

And as we’re approaching the end of this post, just know that being alone is not sad or pathetic. It’s your social cells screaming:

“Give me a break, can?”

Doing things alone is not that scary. Or is it? Only you can give yourself an honest response after you’ve tried and tested it. Give yourself an opportunity to break away from being a follower (or a leader) in a group setting, and the need to ponder over other people’s opinions on your decisions. Take the time to please yourself and not go with the flow for once (or twice, or many times) and you will probably not look back ever again.

Maintaining the dignity of your elderly parents when caring for them is a thing

I’m not a caregiver, I’ll put it upfront.

At least not for now.

But as a writer well-versed in various topics, I’ve done my fair share of research about the elderly, and one of the main topics that popped up in my mind was dignity.

Oxford Languages defined “dignity” as:

The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.

As our parents age and require more care, some of us end up transitioning to primary caregiver roles. If you’ve yet to, have you thought about the issue of dignity? How can we take care of our elderly parents without robbing them of their dignity?

Respectful communication

Folks who’ve been following my articles here on Money Digest for quite a while now, you would have realized that I talk about communication a lot.

Words have meaning and I believe that everything can be solved if people are just willing to communicate (and change, of course).

And so when it comes to maintaining the dignity of your parents, I think it’s crucial not to talk down to them, as if they are kids. Yes, their actions might have turned kiddish, but it’s not like they have chosen to.

And wherever possible, involve your parents in the decision-making process. This will preserve their sense of autonomy, knowing that they have some form of control over what happens in their lives.

Personal boundaries at home

Image Credits: goodrx.com

Primary caregivers usually live with their parents and being 24/7 around them can be quite a pain.

We’re human beings and it’s normal to be stressed out by the responsibilities on our shoulders, more so if we have to juggle between work, dating/marriage, and family.

But just as you require your personal space at times, your elderly parents do too. Yes, I know you may be worried that they might fall while doing things on their own, hurting themselves and causing more “trouble” for you, but this is one thing you should compromise on when it comes to dignity.

And you should also respect their possessions. I’m not talking about hogging here. Hogging stuff is an entirely different issue and can cause hazards so that’s a no-no. I’m referring to their sentimental possessions—maybe old photos, keepsakes, or other valuable items. Always ask before you take. If you have to go through their belongings.

The privacy side of things

I like to put it this way: Do things that you would like others to do to you.

Maybe mom or dad requires some help with daily living, for example, showering. Even if you are their flesh and blood, it’s still hard to be naked in front of one’s adult children.

They are likely to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable with needing help from the children they once could care for. So if need be, leave it to other healthcare providers or see if you can meet halfway with the help of some bathroom remodeling, bath tools, and technology.

Consider nursing/old folks home or care options

Maybe some of you out there think is unfilial to send your parents to a nursing/old folks home.

But I beg to differ.

If your budget allows and you want a better parent-child relationship in the long run (lesser fights), there’s nothing wrong with such an arrangement.

In fact, your parents might enjoy their time there, having activities to look forward to and friends of similar ages to jiak kopi with. Most importantly, the professionals there probably know more than you do.

Or if not, you can consider care options like Homage.

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A post shared by Homage (@homagecare)

With various services available, including home care and nursing, you can pay as you go (prices start from $25/hour) or buy a prepaid package (from $220/10 hours).

Full pricing here: homage.sg/pricing

We are all at different life stages and I can’t say for sure that I’m 100% confident in maintaining the dignity of my parents while caring for them in their later years. But one thing is for sure: I would want my future kids/humans to respect me if I am unable to care for myself one day. So put yourself in your parent’s shoes and treat them the way you want to be treated.