Marriage & Family

How To Deal With Relationship Feuds About Money

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The moral values that we learned taught us that relationships are far more important than money. Conflict is bound to happen when people put more weight on material items over interpersonal relationships or when they see money as a measure of the relationship’s worth.

Deal with the monetary feuds to save your various relationships.


Differences in each others perspectives is inevitable when two people come together. Although you love each other dearly, it is rare to find couples who always see eye to eye. This is why it is important to start understanding each other’s views about money. Explicitly discuss about your beliefs on financial issues and spending habits. For instance, a partner who is a hardcore saver may view money as an important currency that shall not be wasted.

Learn to put yourself in your partner’s situation by recognizing his or her financial strengths. Let us put this in perspective by imagining that two people are buying a flat screen television. Half of this relationship is a spender while the other half is a saver. They can compromise by combining the spender’s ability to commit to a new purchase with the saver’s ability to get a good deal!


The authors of the informative book entitled “The Family War: Winning the Inheritance” vividly explained what it is like to be tangled in estate disputes. Envision your own family tree with interconnected branches that share a single trunk. After it has been shaken by a strong force (i.e., war over inheritance), one or more of its branches are broken down. The sad part is that they may never grow back.

As you can see, money and death can do strange things to a close-knit family. Lawyers find this scenario as one of the most challenging cases to handle. This is why some of them advocate the drafting of a will and planning for estate distribution while the client is still alive. You must also appoint a trusted person to make medical decisions should you become incapacitated.


Financial issues is among the top reasons why Singaporean marriages fight and eventually part. A committed couple who suffers from serious monetary problems will usually face loads of tension and stress, which often translates to heated quarrels.

Prevent a fueled fight by fully disclosing your financial circumstance to your significant other. This is uncomfortable and awkward at first but, you have to try. Tell your partner about your outstanding debts, financial obligations, income sources, and other assets. This will make you empathize with each other more. From time to time, do not forget to check if your financial goals are still in sync.


To deal with the disputes over the money that you loaned, you can show your written agreement and other supporting documents.

You may have dodged the constant knocking of the bank by loaning from a friend or a family member but, you must still treat it as a business matter. Putting the terms of the loan in a handwritten format protects both parties as well as your relationship. After all, borrowing a substantial amount of money is not the same as borrowing a vehicle!

Get everything in writing if you are borrowing a large sum of money or if the lender is strict when it comes to full repayment. The agreement is called a promissory note. Have the promissory note signed by both parties and and a lawyer (if possible). This will ensure that pursuit of legal actions when necessary.


If your mature child and his or her spouse are having a hard time drawing a healthy financial conclusion, you may offer to help them out especially for the sake of your grandchildren. As a grandparent, it is acceptable to give out money to your family for a specific purpose. You may also highlight that the money must be used for that purpose. However, it does mean that you are entitled to manage all their financial affairs.

Financial advice should be given only if asked. You do not want to be a “know-it-all” parent who constantly dishes unsolicited advice. Your children are no longer toddlers that you have to guide. Although, you can always make a polite offer.


No matter how much you disagree with your friend’s unhealthy spending habits, you must take a step back from those negative feelings. Do not immediately burst into anger when you see his or her credit card bills. Blaming your friend for his or her outstanding debt will not help too. It is crucial for you to remove anger and frustration out of the equation.

Break the cycle of constant fighting and help your friend out by discussing the matter maturely. Agree to support each other along the way.

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Do not let your financial woes to get the best of your meaningful relationships!

Sources: 1 & 2

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