personality Archives | MoneyDigest.sg

How To Deal with Toxic Family Members

Can you feel the magic in the air? It is whimsical breeze of the holiday season. As the year ends, you have to prepare for countless family gatherings and reunions. While there is no way to completely escape the stressful and awkward situations brought by these parties, there are things you can do to deal with these situations more effectively.

Slow down and relax – it will be over eventually. With that firmly in mind, you will be able to tackle any other situation. Enhance your coping skills by knowing what toxic behaviors are.

Toxic behaviors are unpleasant and unsupportive behaviors, which include people who are being manipulative, judgmental, controlling, and self-centered. Common traits of toxic people, according to licensed clinical social worker Sharon Martin, include:

a. Not showing concern for your feelings, needs, or rights
b. Acting harsh and critical
c. Calling you names
d. Violating your boundaries over and over
e. Refusing to compromise with you on anything
f. Acting entitled
g. Always having to be right
h. Feeling the rules don’t apply to them
i. Making unfair demands on you
j. Not taking responsibility for their actions
k. Blaming others for their mistakes or flaws
l. Rarely saying they’re sorry for something
m. Wild mood and behavior swings, and sessions of rage
n. Lying and/or guilting you to get their way
o. Manipulating you to get to control or take advantage of you and others to get what they want

When you encounter toxic behaviors during family gatherings, remember that you do not always have to agree with these people.

#1: RESPECT EACH OTHER’S OPINION

You do not always have to agree with your family. Family can be your main source of comfort and strength, but it can also be a source of stress. It is not your responsibility to agree with all the beliefs, political views, and other sentiments of your relatives. There is no rule that says that you must have a good relationship with everyone in your family. You have to accept that.

#2: SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES

Toxic people are not motivated to change their behavior. Instead of aiming to change their ways, set your boundaries to protect yourself. For instance, you can politely decline a call request if your sibling continues to curse at you on the phone. State your needs and feelings directly.

#3: DEVELOP A ROBUST SENSE OF SELF

People who fail to develop a strong sense of self usually depend on what others say or do not say. These people rely on the presence of others, especially in the presence of family. Observe yourself. Do you manage the anxiety of everyone in your family instead of your own?

Image Credits: pixabay.com

Look inside yourself to manage your feelings and behaviors. Ignoring your own needs results in anxiety and discomfort whenever you are surrounded by multiple family members at once.

#4: KEEP YOUR DISTANCE

To limit the amount of personal information you share, you can emotionally and physically distance yourself. Say your aunt mocks you and makes sarcastic comments about your weight. This is your cue to share as little as possible with her in the future, especially when it comes to your fitness journey.

You do not have to answer private questions too! You can reply by saying: “I would rather not talk about it”.

#5: FOCUS ON THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL

Do not waste your energy on things or scenarios that you cannot control. Instead, devote your energy to tasks and actions that are within your power. Begin the process of healing or restoration.

#6: SWITCH THE TABLES

Turn the question around to make them feel the burn. In many cases, the most awkward questions can be defused by answering the question with another question. Let them answer their own question or at least provide them with a few hints about what they want to hear from you.

Image Credits: unsplash.com

Sources: 1,2, & 3

How Money Can Ultimately Buy Happiness

In the previous posts I wrote entitled “Important Things You Must Know About Money And Happiness” and “10 Wonderful Treasures That Money Cannot Buy“, I highlighted that happiness along with other important values does not come with price-tags. This is supported by the 2012 report by Gallup.

According to the report, Singapore is still the unhappiest nation despite the fact that Singapore enjoys one of the highest per capita GDP values in the world. Surprisingly, it ranked as less happier than the populations of Iraq, Haiti, and Afghanistan.

Money cannot purchase happiness in all circumstances. Unless…you spend your wealth in the “proper” way!

Recent studies showed that there are some efficient ways that money can result to happiness. Here are some of them:

1. WHEN MONEY IS SPENT ON EXPERIENCES

A study by Cornell University researchers found that spending money on experiences instead of material possessions, improved the well-being of the person. Your feelings toward your materialistic purchases are subjected to buyer’s remorse as well as comparisons to others. Almost anyone can buy a new bag but, not everyone can experience the thrill of scuba diving!

To stimulate happiness, focus more on experiences that are unique to you. Only if these expenses are within your allotted budget – of course!

2. WHEN MONEY IS SPENT BASED ON THE SELF

Upon analyzing over 76,000 transactions of 625 participants, a recent study showed that matching personality to spending habits was more crucial than one’s total income and total spending. The personality categories in the study were divided into 5, namely: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. This is based on the Big Five Personality Traits.

For example, Singaporeans who are high on “Openness” enjoy trying new things. These people can experience increased levels of happiness if they spent their money on a beauty or hair makeover.

Know your personality and spend money in accordance with your Psychological needs by completing a simple test here.

3. WHEN MONEY IS SPENT ON THE LITTLE THINGS

In the 2010 issue of Journal of Consumer Psychology, Jing Yang Zhong and Vincent-Wayne Mitchell surveyed the spending habits of 5,000 households. They found that the best way to increase one’s happiness was to make a series of smaller purchases. For instance, the people who spent their money on a series of concerts by lesser known artists were happier than those people who spent the same amount of money in one concert by an immensely famous band. Do you agree?

Well, it goes to show that the things that we think will make us happy often do not.

Image Credits: pixabay.com

Dr. Elizabeth Dunn even believes that “we may be better off devoting our finite financial resources to purchasing frequent doses of lovely things, rather than infrequent doses of lovelier things.” Simply, satisfying our simple pleasures frequently can elicit happiness in the long run.

Financial Tips For Quiet And Reserved People

Whether you are known to be the quiet or reserved one, you most likely belong to a special group of people who are known as the INTROVERTS.

A common misconception of introverts is that the dislike socializing. Contrary to the popular belief, introverts are drained by social interaction. Many introverts can socialize easily…they just prefer not to.

In fact, you can be more interpersonally connected and emphatic than others. Use these and your other magnificent qualities to your advantage as you enhance your financial life.

To get started, here are some things you can do:

1. ACTIVELY LISTEN

Introverts, in general, tend to be great at listening. This skill can make you a good investor. Before investing your wealth, you must actively listen to what others have done or will do. Analyze the results of their strategies and actions. Then, make your own strategy based on the successful predecessors.

2. STUDY WHAT YOUR ARE SELLING THOROUGHLY

In order to increase your profits in sales, you must know what you are selling in a deeper level. Study your products and services thoroughly so that you can efficiently aid in the client’s needs. And if someone new approaches you, determine if he or she is a potentially good client. As an introvert you understand that it takes more than a wallet to make the sales flowing.

3. REMAIN CALM

Aside from being great at listening, introverts are usually among the calmest people in the world. This quality can be applied in different financial events, especially the unforeseen ones.

So when an unexpected bill arrives, use your natural calm then, come up with a way to pay it. When the market tumbles down, do not sell it right away because of fear; use your innate calmness to contemplate on the situation. As others panic to the unfortunate monetary events, you make levelheaded decisions.

4. WELCOME THE SOCIAL MEDIA

For an introvert, social media is a brilliant manner to communicate with other people in the safety of their own home. Embracing social media can help you to save cash in many ways such as selling your unused or underused items through Facebook, Instagram, or Carousell. You can also browse free tutorials to learn new skills so you would not have to ask a bunch of people in real life.

Image Credits: pixabay.com (License: CC0 Public Domain)

The downside to social media is that it can overwhelm you. This is why it is important to spend a minimum amount of time (e.g., 10 minutes/day) so it does not take over your wonderfully humble life!

Sources: 1 ,2,3,4,5,& 6

Psychology of Spenders And Savers

There are two types of people in the world: those who spend and those who save.

SPENDERS

Compulsive spenders do not want to delay gratification. If they want something, they will purchase it right away…as long as they are happy. It worked so well in the past, so they stick to the same habit. But, when expenses and debts extremely increase then, it is the time they realize that they need to kick that habit away.

Here are 3 ways to prevent your impulses and to help you save:

1. IDENTIFY YOUR FINANCIAL GOALS

How much do you need when you retire or how much do you need to pay for your child’s education? Ask yourself these questions to identify your financial goals. Then, be vocal about it to your friends and family.

2. NEED VS WANT

Before purchasing anything, evaluate and know whether you need or want the item. Then, purchase according to your budget.

3. STAY AWAY FROM THE PLASTIC CARDS

By using mainly cash and withdrawing it from your bank account, then you became more aware of your spending and your account balance.

SAVERS

For financially aware individuals, the act of spending can activate neural activity in the anterior insula and amygdala. These two parts are responsible for the mood and unpleasantness felt. This is why the more these two are activated; the less likely a financially aware individual will spend. On the other hand, the act of saving will bring immense pleasure to them.

While many people take pleasure in purchasing things, some savvy savers do not feel the same. Instead some of these people are uncomfortable when shopping, they constantly look for the price tag and calculate the total, and they feel emotionally painful when they are paying. If you are not experiencing enough pleasure in life, you deserve to loosen up and enjoy spending every once in a while.

So, what brings the pleasure back as a savvy saver that is spending?

1. STAY AWAY FROM THE PLASTIC CARDS

Give yourself the vacation or rest day you deserve by budgeting a portion of your money to a category called “personal incentives”. With that money, you would not need to use your credit or debit card since you have already set aside the cash to cover it. Now all you can do is relax and take your mind off the expenses.

2. PURCHASES=REWARDS

At the end of the month and once you meet your savings goal, reward yourself with the pampering you deserve for working hard and doing so well. To prevent frugal fatigue, reward yourself by using a responsible amount of 4% – 8% of your savings.

3. THINK OF THE FUTURE

Study has shown that people are happier when they spend their money on experiences (e.g., sky diving) than in goods (e.g., Gucci bag). So, do the same with your personal incentives. Do you really want to regret experiences you did not take because you don’t want to spend money on enjoyment?

Image Credits: Tax Credits via Flickr

Even though you belong in one category now…you can still change! Whether you are a saver or spender, you hold your financial present and future.

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