You want it. They don’t want it. You’re frustrated. They’re frustrated. What do you do?
In any healthy relationship, both partners should be on the same page when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
Maybe you’re the one who always wants sex, while your partner is only interested once in a blue moon. Or maybe your partner has a higher sex drive than you do and you’re not always in the mood.
No matter which side of the equation you find yourself on, here’s how to reach mutual satisfaction in your sexual relationship.
Prioritizing communication and self-care
When it comes to sex, communicate.
And that means talking to your partner about what you want, what you don’t want, and what you’re comfortable with. It’s not always easy to have these conversations, but they’re essential for ensuring mutual satisfaction.
In addition to communication, it’s good to prioritize self-care. That means making time for yourself, whether it’s through exercise, meditation or just taking some time for yourself. When you’re feeling good about yourself, it’s easier to feel good about your sexual relationship, too.
Making compromises for mutual satisfaction
For both partners to be content in a sexual relationship, it’s necessary to find a way to sync up your desires.
This means making compromises to meet in the middle. You might have to go without sex for a while if your partner isn’t feeling it, but you can also negotiate a frequency that works for both of you.
It’s also good to understand the natural ebbs and flows of desire. Just because your partner isn’t in the mood one day doesn’t mean they won’t be the next. Be patient and keep an open dialog so that each person knows what the other wants. This way, there’s never any confusion or disappointment on either side.
Recognizing the sexual desires of each partner
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One way to make sure you’re always on the same page is to keep track of your partner’s sexual desires.
This can be done by communicating with each other frequently, whether that’s through talking about what’s going on between you hormonally or sharing any concerns you have.
It can also be helpful to keep a “sexual wish list” for each other, where you both write down things you’d like to try in bed. This way, there’s no pressure to perform on the spot and you can both look forward to trying new things together.
Or, if you’re feeling bold, you can even schedule sex dates into your calendars so that you know there will be time for intimacy even when life gets busy. The crucial thing is that you make an effort to connect on a sexual level, even if it means compromising on frequency.
Being aware and mindful of each other’s boundaries
Part of the reason why people have such a difficult time syncing up their sexual desires is that they’re not aware of each other’s boundaries. And when we say “boundaries,” we’re talking about things like wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings.
You might be thinking, “Well, of course, I’m aware of my partner’s boundaries. I would never do anything to violate them.” But even if you would never intentionally violate someone’s boundaries, it can still happen if you’re not mindful of them.
For example, let’s say you’re in the mood for sex, but your partner isn’t. If you try to pressure them into it or make them feel bad for not wanting it, that’s a violation of their boundary. Even if you don’t mean to, you’re making them feel like their wants and needs aren’t as important as yours.
The key to avoiding boundary violations is communication. If you’re not sure what your partner’s boundaries are, ask them. And if you accidentally violate a boundary, apologize and try to make things right.
So, how can you and your partner make sure that you’re both always sexually satisfied? The answer is to sync up your desires. Of course, this isn’t always easy—everyone’s different, and what turns one person on may not turn another person on. However, there are a few things you can do to make sure that you’re both on the same page, including talking about your desires, being open to trying new things, and being patient with one another. With some effort, you can create a sexual relationship that’s satisfying for both you and your partner.