Is sharing your spouse-to-be’s salary with your parents a good idea?

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Why so kancheong?

Getting engaged is stressful enough as it is, now you want to worry about whether to tell your parents how much your future spouse earns?

Take it easy, my friend. Because sharing such private details may do more harm than good. Your parents may start judging your fiance/fiancee based on their paycheck rather than their character. 

Why invite such unnecessary drama and complications into your relationship and new chapter of life together? Keep money matters between the two of you and focus on planning your wedding and building a strong marriage foundation instead.

Downsides of sharing salary information
  • Creating unrealistic expectations

Your parents may start seeing dollar signs and build up unrealistic expectations of the kind of lifestyle you and your spouse can provide for them. This can breed resentment and conflict within the family if both of you “seem” to be able to afford it but choose not to do so.

  • Fostering dependency

Telling your parents the salary information may lead them to become financially dependent on you and your spouse over time (if both of you earn a lot). They may make poor financial decisions thinking you will bail them out, or keep coming to you whenever they need money instead of being more self-sufficient.

  • Causing tension

Sharing the details of your combined income with your parents can also create tension with other family members. Relatives may start comparing themselves and their own financial situations, or become jealous/boastful. This can damage relationships and cause rifts within the extended family.

Importance of privacy and consent
couple conversing

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Your spouse-to-be trusted you enough to share such personal information. If you reveal it to others without their permission, it can damage that trust and cause hurt feelings.

Even with good intentions, your parents may share that information with extended family and friends. Before you know it, people who have no business knowing those details now do.

Put yourself in your spouse-to-be’s shoes. How would you feel if they told their parents your salary without asking you first? Not so good, right?

Treat them how you would want to be treated. Ask for their consent before sharing sensitive details about their life, especially something as private as their pay. If they say no, accept their answer; their privacy is not worth risking your relationship over.

Relationships are built on trust, honesty, and communication. By respecting your spouse-to-be’s privacy and getting their ‘OK’ before sharing details with your parents, you show them they can confide in you going forward. They will appreciate your thoughtfulness, and it will help strengthen the foundation of trust in your relationship.

At the end of the day, you know your parents and situation best. If you foresee non-stop nagging about how you should spend the money or constant comparisons with your siblings’ partners, then maybe keep that detail between the two of you. The most important thing is you and your partner are on the same page. Whatever you decide, just do what feels right for your relationship.

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