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It’s hard not to compare our children, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with images of “perfect” kids out there.

But is the comparison fair to our children—or ourselves? We can’t expect them to be exactly like their friends, or even their siblings. So why do we compare them?

There are a lot of reasons why the comparison is harmful to both parents and children. Below, we will explore some of the ways comparison can damage our relationships with our kids.

Why comparison steals joy from parenting

When you’re out and about with your child and you see another parent with a kid that’s a little “better behaved”, it’s natural to compare.

You may not even realize you’re doing it, but if you’re not careful, the comparison trap can steal your joy from parenting. The thing is, every child is unique. They grow and develop at their own pace, and there’s no magic age that makes a child “good.”

Why comparing your child with others is dangerous

You might be tempted to compare your child with other kids at school, or with the neighbor’s toddler who can already speak. But doing this is dangerous, and can have long-term effects on your child’s self-esteem.

Here’s why: when you compare your child to others, you’re telling them that they’re not good enough. You’re implying that someone else is better than them, and that’s a hard thing for a child to hear.

It can make them feel like they’re never going to be good enough, no matter what they do. This can lead to a lot of insecurity and self-doubt in your child, which can stay with them for years to come.

How to focus on the process instead of the outcome

Image Credits: raisingchildren.net.au

When you focus on the process instead of the outcome, you’re able to see your child’s development more clearly.

This is because you’re not constantly comparing them to other children and looking for ways to prove that they don’t measure up.

Instead, you’re able to appreciate the small steps that they’re taking and the progress that they’re making. And when you can do this, it’s much easier to enjoy the journey instead of always feeling like you’re coming up short.

So how can you focus on the process instead? One way is to set goals for your child that are based on their age and development level. This way, you’re not comparing them to other children who might be ahead of them.

Another way is to celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small. This will help you see their progress and appreciate all that they’re doing instead of always focusing on what they haven’t done yet.

Embracing and celebrating individual differences

When you stop comparing your child to others, you make space to celebrate their unique talents and quirks.

You see them for who they are, not who you want them to be. And guess what? When you do that, they blossom.

They become more confident and secure in themselves, and that allows them to take risks and explore the world in their way. So instead of comparing your child to others, take a step back and embrace their differences.

It’s hard not to compare our children to others. We see other children excelling in one area or another and we can’t help but wonder why our child is not as good. We start to question ourselves as parents and wonder what we are doing wrong. But the comparison trap can make our kids feel like they are not good enough and that can lead to low self-esteem. It can also cause them to compare themselves to others, which can lead to envy and resentment. Be proud of your children for who they are and not for what they can do. Encouragement far exceeds criticisms.

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