Why It’s Difficult to Keep Up Appearances with Friends

Comparison is the thief of joy, and keeping up appearances with friends can be detrimental to one’s physical, mental, and financial health. As you scroll through your Facebook or Instagram timeline, you witness the highlights of your friends’ lives. However, people mostly share their triumphs rather than their struggles. In today’s social media-driven world, where meticulously crafted profiles and highlight reels dominate our online presence, the pressure to maintain a façade with friends has become increasingly arduous.

On these platforms, you are exposed to their accomplishments, extravagant trips, new cars, lavish weddings, and piles of gifts on Christmas and birthdays. Social media continuously raises the bar for what people with average salaries feel compelled to do in order to compete not only with celebrities but also with their own friends, striving to be perceived as successful.

We strive to present ourselves in a positive light, displaying our best moments and achievements. However, behind the polished facade, preserving these appearances can take a toll on our mental and emotional well-being. In this article, we will explore the reasons why it has become difficult to keep up appearances with friends and delve into the potential consequences of this constant need for validation.

FEAR OF JUDGMENT

The fear of being judged is one of the primary reasons why maintaining appearances with friends is challenging. We worry that if we reveal our vulnerabilities, struggles, or imperfections, our friends might perceive us differently. This fear drives us to constantly seek validation and present an idealized version of ourselves instead of embracing our true selves.

SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCE

The rise of social media platforms has significantly contributed to the pressure of keeping up appearances. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook emphasize the importance of portraying a flawless life filled with extravagant vacations, glamorous events, and remarkable accomplishments. Comparing our lives to the carefully curated content of others can leave us feeling inadequate, fostering a sense of insecurity and compelling us to maintain a facade that aligns with societal expectations.

Image Credits: unsplash.com

EMOTIONAL EXHAUSTION

Comparing ourselves to others diminishes our own accomplishments and robs us of the joy we should feel for our own success. Constantly presenting an idealized version of us to friends can be emotionally draining. When we feel the need to always appear happy, successful, and content, we deny ourselves the opportunity to express our true emotions. Bottling up our feelings can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and a sense of isolation, as we fear that revealing our struggles may result in rejection or disapproval from our friends.

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

The pressure to keep up appearances with friends arises from the unrealistic expectations set by society. We are bombarded with images and stories of seemingly perfect lives, leaving us feeling inadequate if our own lives don’t measure up. This can create a vicious cycle of comparison and self-doubt as we constantly strive to attain an unattainable standard of perfection.

AUTHENTIC CONNECTIONS

By constantly trying to maintain appearances, we risk sacrificing authentic connections with our friends. True friendships are built on trust, empathy, and vulnerability. When we present an idealized version of ourselves, we deny our friends the opportunity to know us on a deeper level. Embracing our imperfections and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable fosters genuine connections and creates a supportive network of friends who accept us for who we truly are.

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM

The most significant issue arises when people live beyond their means, often by neglecting savings and accumulating debt. They can create the illusion of living a lifestyle they cannot actually afford.

Image Credits: unsplash.com

In conclusion, while the desire to keep up appearances with friends is understandable, it is crucial to recognize the toll it can take on our well-being.

It is essential to remember that true friendships are built on honesty, trust, and acceptance. Embracing our vulnerabilities and being our authentic selves will not only strengthen our relationships but also enhance our overall sense of well-being. Let us break free from the cycle of appearances and foster deeper connections based on genuine understanding and support.

Sources: 1 & 2

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Comparison trap: How to avoid comparing your child with others

upset mum and daughter

It’s hard not to compare our children, especially when we’re constantly bombarded with images of “perfect” kids out there.

But is the comparison fair to our children—or ourselves? We can’t expect them to be exactly like their friends, or even their siblings. So why do we compare them?

There are a lot of reasons why the comparison is harmful to both parents and children. Below, we will explore some of the ways comparison can damage our relationships with our kids.

Why comparison steals joy from parenting

When you’re out and about with your child and you see another parent with a kid that’s a little “better behaved”, it’s natural to compare.

You may not even realize you’re doing it, but if you’re not careful, the comparison trap can steal your joy from parenting. The thing is, every child is unique. They grow and develop at their own pace, and there’s no magic age that makes a child “good.”

Why comparing your child with others is dangerous

You might be tempted to compare your child with other kids at school, or with the neighbor’s toddler who can already speak. But doing this is dangerous, and can have long-term effects on your child’s self-esteem.

Here’s why: when you compare your child to others, you’re telling them that they’re not good enough. You’re implying that someone else is better than them, and that’s a hard thing for a child to hear.

It can make them feel like they’re never going to be good enough, no matter what they do. This can lead to a lot of insecurity and self-doubt in your child, which can stay with them for years to come.

How to focus on the process instead of the outcome
praising a child with a hi-five

Image Credits: raisingchildren.net.au

When you focus on the process instead of the outcome, you’re able to see your child’s development more clearly.

This is because you’re not constantly comparing them to other children and looking for ways to prove that they don’t measure up.

Instead, you’re able to appreciate the small steps that they’re taking and the progress that they’re making. And when you can do this, it’s much easier to enjoy the journey instead of always feeling like you’re coming up short.

So how can you focus on the process instead? One way is to set goals for your child that are based on their age and development level. This way, you’re not comparing them to other children who might be ahead of them.

Another way is to celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small. This will help you see their progress and appreciate all that they’re doing instead of always focusing on what they haven’t done yet.

Embracing and celebrating individual differences

When you stop comparing your child to others, you make space to celebrate their unique talents and quirks.

You see them for who they are, not who you want them to be. And guess what? When you do that, they blossom.

They become more confident and secure in themselves, and that allows them to take risks and explore the world in their way. So instead of comparing your child to others, take a step back and embrace their differences.

It’s hard not to compare our children to others. We see other children excelling in one area or another and we can’t help but wonder why our child is not as good. We start to question ourselves as parents and wonder what we are doing wrong. But the comparison trap can make our kids feel like they are not good enough and that can lead to low self-esteem. It can also cause them to compare themselves to others, which can lead to envy and resentment. Be proud of your children for who they are and not for what they can do. Encouragement far exceeds criticisms.

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How Much Will It Cost To Live in USA, Singapore, Australia or Italy?

Cost of living is the total expense of maintaining a standard of living in a certain country. This changes over time and is often operationalized in a cost of living index.

In this chart is the comparison of the cost of living of four countries namely: United States of America, Australia, Singapore, and Italy.

 

Clothing And Shoes Ave. (in SGD) USA SG AUS ITALY
1 Pair of Jeans (Levis) 54.95 111.92 111.35 129.67
1 Summer Dress in a Chain Store (Zara, H&M, F21, etc.) 47.82 63.24 76.26 53.99
1 Pair of Men Leather Shoes 113.77 136.22 147.41 166.62
Total Clothing: 216.54 311.38 335.02 350.28
Rent Per Month Ave. (in SGD)
Apartment (1 bedroom) in City Centre 1,359.20 3,312.03 1,944.27 928.25
Apartment (1 bedroom) Outside of Centre 1,032.05 2,133.33 1,380.82 709.08
Apartment (3 bedrooms) in City Centre 2,313.77 5,955.30 3,335.58 1,634.16
Apartment (3 bedrooms) Outside of Centre 1,743.47 3,579.49 2,186.44 1,192.56
Total Rent: 6,448.49 14,980.15 8,847.11 4464.05
Ave. Salary After Tax (in SGD)
Monthly Salary 4,103.69 3,875.20 4,732.34 2,439.03

 

All the data were collated from Numbeo. It is a website that stores the world’s largest database of user contributed information about global living conditions.

Before discussing the variables in the chart, let us first explore a brief introduction of these four countries. United States of America, commonly referred to as U.S., is a federal republic country that is consists of 50 states. According to the International Monetary Fund, U.S. has the world’s largest national economy. It is considered as a developed country.

Australia, or Commonwealth of Australia, consists of the mainland and numerous smaller islands. In 2012, International Monetary Fund ranked Australia as the fifth highest per capita income among the world. It is also considered as a developed country.

Singapore, officially known as Republic of Singapore, is an island country in Southeast Asia. Despite its size, Singapore had the third highest per capita income around the world. It boasts its high regard on education, healthcare, and economic competitiveness.

Lastly, Italy is a parliamentary republic in Southern Europe. Human Development Report highlighted that Italy is a very developed country with its economy being the eighth largest in the world.

In the comparative chart above, Italy was shown to have the highest cost in Clothing and Shoes. Most of the famous chain brands originated from the U.S., which is why the country had the least cost on clothing and shoes. Furthermore, it is the reason why some items are cheaper when you buy it on its online store.

The Average Rent per Month is overwhelmingly dominated by Singapore. Renting a bedroom apartment at the city center will cost you about S$3,312.03 in Singapore. With that amount, a person can already rent two 3-bedroom apartments in Italy’s city center. The higher cost of rent in Singapore is due to the 718.3 km2 total area of land wherein millions of people reside.

Image Credits: Lina Hughes via Flickr

Image Credits: Lina Hughes via Flickr

Lastly, in most of the factors, Australia sits strong on the second place. Although rent and clothing may be costly in Australia, the average salary per month is S$4,732.34. It is the highest among the other four countries.

So, if you are moving to a different country and curious about its cost of living, look it up on Numbeo. It has been mentioned in internationally renowned newspapers and magazines such as BBC, Forbes, The Economist, and New York Times among others.

Sources: International Monetary Fund, Numbeo, and Wikipedia

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