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How to be a better partner to your significant other

Our relationships with our partners can steer us in different mood directions. Unfortunately, the everyday stresses of life can make it hard to maintain and nurture a loving relationship.

Between social and economic pressure, the ongoing pandemic, and an ever-changing world, some couples experience disconnection and begin to grow apart.

So is it possible to be a better partner to your significant other? Well, it all goes down to the littlest of things.

#1: Keep conversations going

One of the essential things you can do to maintain your relationship is talking to your partner.

This doesn’t just mean sending them a short text at work or asking what movie they want to watch. It means having face-to-face quality conversations.

The simple act of talking to each other shows that you value each other and helps bring understanding into your relationship through proper conversations.

#2: Practice active listening

Talking to your partner is only half of the equation. To effectively communicate with your partner, you must cultivate the habit of listening to them.

As M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled, rightly writes, “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time.”

In our busy world, many of us are experts at half-listening. More often than not, our minds are focused on something else – the dishes to wash, the dog to feed, or bills to settle. This is not the best way to listen.

Instead, you want to keep up with active listening. Focus on your partner, listen without judgement, do not interrupt, and repeat summarised concepts to verify you are processing it right.

#3: Ask your partner what you can help with

a couple holding hands at the coffee table

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As people with diverse characteristics, we all have different likes and dislikes. One of the best ways to be a better partner is to ask your partner what their needs are.

See if you can help out with something that coincides with their love languages. Maybe your partner needs to spend more quality time together to feel loved, or perhaps they need to hear positive things from you.

“Talk with your partner about more nuanced ways you both feel loved, cared for and seen,” said psychotherapist Brittany Bouffard.

“Maybe more than your partner’s action of washing the dishes, you feel especially relieved if they called the internet company to dispute a bill — or another adulting task you dread. Your partner doesn’t need to stop helping with the dishes, of course, but it’s good to know more specifically what you most appreciate.”

#4: Start acting lest it becomes empty talk

Once you have your partner’s needs sorted, you should start acting! If your partner has told you that they value simply sitting on the couch and holding hands, initiate it the next time you guys come together to chill in the living room.

A loving gesture does not even need to be big to make a difference. Something as simple as making a cup of coffee or tea for your partner in the morning might just make their day without you knowing.

#5: Be consistent with your actions

We all get busy, and it is easy to forget that you would make dinner or put the laundry away.

“Being consistent and doing what you say goes a long way,” shared marriage and family therapist Anabel Basulto. For folks who are always absent-minded, why not use technology to your advantage?

It doesn’t take much time to set a reminder or alarm to send the car for a wash or pick up fresh loaves of bread for tomorrow’s breakfast.

#6: Let go of the small stuff

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Due to COVID-19, many of us are spending more time than ever before with our partners at home.

It might be easy to fixate on a minor annoyance in these circumstances, which can escalate to disharmony. But is it really worth fighting over that little accidental spill at the sink? Probably not.

Letting go of your significant other’s mistakes will make your life easier too.

#7: Practice self-care

We’ve spent some time talking about our partners’ needs, but the fact remains that we are independent human beings from them, and we have needs too.

To recalibrate, take a weekend afternoon to yourself, or spend time reading a book, or FaceTime a friend. Doing things to take care of yourself will help you be a more fulfilled, less stressed out partner.

“If we don’t fill our own cups, it’s pretty much impossible to be present, patient and giving to our partners,” said psychologist Melissa Robinson-Brown based in New York City. “Take time for yourself and focus on restoration so you can show up in your relationship.”

#8: Take a break from screen time

Screen time can be a routine we’re so used to. It’s easy to sit and scroll mindlessly on our phones without realising time has passed. But it is the very thing that acts as a thief of attention.

It is hard to engage with someone on a meaningful level while engrossed in your mobile phone. So, put away the phone, turn off the television, and do something together without a device distraction.

Playing board games, taking a stroll, or even going bowling can be fun ways to spend quality time together.

Be generous with thank-yous

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If there’s one thing you want to take away before leaving this page, just remember that being a better partner to your significant other can be as simple as being generous with your gratitude.

Even if they are doing something they routinely do, such as clearing trash, taking a moment of your time to tell them you appreciate their act is likely to warm their heart. We could all do with a little more love, can’t we?

5 points to note if you have a loved one with OCD

Living with OCD, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder referred to by medical professionals, is hard on both the person who has the condition and their loved ones.

The uncontrollable patterns of behaviour, the painful loops of repetitive motion, and the systematic thought cycles that derail successful functioning in people’s daily lives can be a real challenge.

If you have a loved one in your life who’s struggling to live with OCD, keep these things in mind as you continue to comfort and support them.

#1: Avoid excessive criticism

OCD tends to make your brain relive specific encounters, whether positive or negative, over and over again.

These thought loops can become oppressive to the point of exhaustion, mainly when one is focusing on negative thoughts and memories. Try to avoid giving critiques and criticisms to people with OCD. This will ensure your harsh words won’t play on repeat in their heads.

#2: Shine no unnecessary light on their routines

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One of the most noticeable components of OCD is specific obsessions or compulsions that a person affected by the condition might need to repeat. For example, checking the switch three times to make sure it’s off or washing their hands every other hour.

These rituals are often unavoidable and can be a source of anxiety for your loved one if they don’t do them. Therefore, try not to draw attention to their actions when it happens. Simply wait patiently until they’re able to move on to the following routine.

#3: Don’t force them to stop a ritual

Speaking of repetitive actions, don’t try to force your loved ones to hit the “stop” button on their repetitious acts. Their disorder is uncontrollable at times, and if you do, it will add to their distress.

Forcing them to move through without completing a ritual or behaviour pattern can make their urge to do it even more severe. This can exacerbate further potential emotional problems, so remember to be patient and let them move through life on their terms.

#4: Be patient when correcting

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When you’re helping someone with OCD do something, whether it’s for the first time or correcting their action, it helps to be incredibly patient.

OCD can require a series of behaviours or loops before a new action makes its mark. So, your loved ones may need to repeat some soothing behaviours before they can heed your correction and accept it.

Be patient and let them work through their feelings until they’re ready to listen to what you have to say.

#5: Show your support without enabling

Being supportive is genuinely one of the best things you can do to assist a loved one suffering from OCD. The condition can be an incredibly isolating experience that convinces the sufferer that they are dealing with it alone and singularly responsible for living with and treating it.

However, know the difference between supporting and enabling. It would be best if you were not answering their recurring questions all the time or buying more hand soap to facilitate their routines.

Consider this phrase or come up with your own, “‘It looks like you’re having an obsession and asking me to participate, but I’m not going to do that because I’m on your side, not OCD’s.”

Final thoughts

grayscale photo of a person's right hand

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A person with OCD may, at times, do something that seems ridiculous to an average person. For example, they may suffer from an intense fear of sin and feel the urge to “confess” to someone even if they’ve just accidentally brought home a paper clip from the office (true story).

As we’ve shared in this article, remember to hold back on your criticisms even when you feel the urge to correct them. Most people with OCD are aware of their condition, so there’s no need to spotlight their routines or, worse still, force them to stop.

They need your support and positive feedback, not your mindless judgements.

Engagement ring inspirations for your upcoming proposal

For a woman looking forward to being engaged, there’s almost nothing better than the excitement that a beautiful engagement ring can bring.

With the symbolic meaning a ring carries, it has to be as perfect as it can be. That’s why the process of choosing an engagement ring must be taken seriously.

As usual, every prospective bride wants to see the three Cs in their engagement ring, namely carat, clarity, and cut. However, it’s crucial that the ring also keep up with the year’s latest trends and stay fashionably classy throughout the years.

Some fashion statements can fall out of style, and an engagement ring must be able to match various accessories and outfits for a stylish and sophisticated look.

That’s why we’re here to share with you some elegant engagement ring inspirations for your upcoming proposal this year.

#1: Black Diamonds

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Move aside, classic diamond. The black diamonds are now up and coming. This is due to their striking nature and the mysterious and cool, edgy vibes it carries.

The engagement ring can stand out even more if it’s set in a bold yellow or rose gold colour, which offers a step away from the traditional diamond ring approach.

#2: Halo Rings

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One of the top emerging trends of 2021 is halo rings that have a hexagonal or octagonal shape.

It creates the perfect balance between preserving the essence of timeliness but also adding that element of uniqueness. No longer are purely traditional rings a must-need if you’re planning to propose this year.

Those searching for a beautiful ring without being too “bridal” can consider this design.

#3: Colourful Stones

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When you think of proposal rings, you might imagine the classically cut glimmering diamond.

However, you can slowly replace that idea with the new trend of colourful stones. Specifically, teal-coloured sapphire is a stone growing in popularity, creating an ideal blend of blue and green shades.

Because these stones are on the rarer side and not alike, they make for a ring that’s entirely one of a kind and precious to the bride who wears it.

#4: Mixed Diamond Cuts

Image Credits: reebonz.com

Sometimes, trends can work backwards by capturing the looks that give off an antique or vintage feel.

This specific trend involves mixing different diamond cuts, like tapered baguettes combined with rounds, epaulettes, or bullets. It encompasses the well-known art-deco design but adds a modern-day twist to make it an exceptional diamond engagement ring.

Plus, if you’re environmentally conscious, incorporating existing stones into a single ring allows for plenty of upcycling.

#5: Remodelling

Image Credits: pinterest.co.uk

Even though an engagement ring by itself is already meaningful, it can be made even more special by incorporating existing stones that carry a sentimental value.

Across the board, more and more jewellers encounter clients who’ve inherited jewellery and want it to be remodelled into a specific shape or form into their engagement ring.

It’s a fabulous way to make an engagement ring even more personal to the modern-day bride holding on to traditions.

Here’s how to manage non-stop sibling competition

There comes a time when sibling rivalry becomes too much to handle. Parents and guardians, we feel your pain. Whether it’s screaming, kicking, or fighting, it always comes down to the adults to mitigate these situations.

However annoying it might be, though, sibling competition is a normal part of life. As Jeanine Vivona, a psychology professor at the College of New Jersey, rightly points out, “Competition with siblings is just a fact of life. And we, as people with siblings and people with children, can just try to manage it as best we can.”

In fact, throughout history lie stories of sibling rivalry. If you’ve read the Bible before, you would be familiar with stories of sibling tensions through the relationships of Cain and Abel and Jacob and Esau.

Since sibling rivalry has happened since the beginning of time, are there main reasons behind such strife? Well, they mostly come down to “harm” that one has done to another and jealousy over favouritism. In adults, it could also be due to parents’ legacy and financial resources.

Do you know that studies have shown that sibling aggression can happen as many as eight times an hour? But it’s honestly not a significant cause for concern. The conflict serves a developmental purpose by aiding a child in learning more about their personality and uniqueness through differentiation from their sibling.

And, as time passes and siblings get older, the conflict will most likely wear off. Though more often than not, folks dealing with the issue might find it tough to cope. That’s why we will take a look at some suggestions on how to reduce sibling squabbles.

#1: Examine the trigger

a young child crying in front of her sister

Image Credits: nymetroparents.com

Sally Beville Hunter, a clinical associate professor in child and family studies at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, urges us to pay attention to what tends to happen before a dispute occurs.

Think about it, and you will probably agree that there’s always a fuel factor before a conflict begins. If you sense that your kids are about to fight, intervene and act on it immediately so you can stop the fight before it escalates.

For example, if your kids always exchange blows at the dinner table, pay attention to their tone, words, and actions to identify if any of them are in combative mode. The faster you intercede, the more you can stop aggression in its tracks.

#2: Guide them to resolve conflicts

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After the steam blows over, you can intervene by teaching them how to resolve conflicts so they can do so on their own in the future.

Try to sit them down for a discussion and give each child a chance to freely talk about their side of the story without blame and accusation. Then, have them come up with a few compromises and solutions by themselves.

Giving them a chance to work with each other will help build their relationship and resolution for years to come. Even if they were to face such issues with their school friends, they would instantly know how to deal with them.

#3: Sing your praises out loud

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When your kids get along well, be sure to praise them and shower them with kind words when one sibling lets the other have their way first. For example, “I love that you’re letting your sister go first!”

However, when you’re trying to criticise a child, do so in private when the other sibling isn’t listening. Otherwise, they may use it as a weapon the next time they get into a fight and make the situation even worse.

#4: Encourage family get-togethers

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“Try to find common activities that allow everyone to be flexible and to feel connected,” Vivona said.

Even though your kids might have different personalities and interests, the more you can find shared activities that they can enjoy, their relationship will be better.

Maybe you could organise a physical activity or a family movie night? While arguments about what game to play or the right movie to watch can surface, don’t forget that this is a valuable chance for them to learn how to yield.

Don’t be too hard on them (and yourself)

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With the year-long pandemic still ongoing and everyone’s on high levels of stress, it can be easy to lose your patience. It’s okay to get frustrated when your kids run into rivalry and small fights but don’t let it heighten into a shouting battle.

“I think some of these conflicts can be really solved by telling our kids to go outside and run around the house,” Hunter shared. And of course, not without them wearing their masks before they head outdoors.

Or if you’re worried that they may catch the virus and want to minimise risks, why not create an obstacle course for them using household items? If not, take them on a stroll around the neighbourhood. You could also be doing yourself a favour by taking in some fresh air outdoors at the same time.

Useful advice for handling toxic parents

Not everyone has the privilege to grow up in a loving family without problems. But then, yet again, there is no one family without issues. So the question is, is it possible to deal with toxic parents?

But before we answer that question, do you know the signs of one? Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist, shares it in a straightforward way for us to understand. “Everything revolves around them first and foremost,” she commented.

According to experts, here are the seven signs to guide you in identifying a toxic parent:

Asks you to parent them
Neglects your feelings or safety
Doesn’t respect set boundaries
Physically or emotionally abusive
Their needs take priority over yours
Gets bitter over your independence
Their raised voice or potential argument scares you

For those who think they might be a victim of toxic parenting, here is some useful advice that may help you handle it.

#1: Reach out for some support

Continuously being in the loop of a toxic environment can be devastating. It would make sense for you to reach out for some outside support from trusted friends or extended family members.

Having someone in your life that understands what’s going on, even if you don’t want to talk about it can help rough it out. Suppose you’re staying with your parents; a meet-up session outdoors can also provide you with a much-needed respite from your demanding parents.

#2: Meet them when you want to

a lady with a face mask knocking on the door

Image Credits: AARP

This tip can coincide with drawing boundaries that we will detail in the next point. If you hate spending the weekend, public holidays, or rest days with your parents, then don’t!

Spending time with them on your terms is going to help improve your viewpoint of the situation. It may even enhance your relationship with them in the long run because you are no longer dreading time together but looking forward to it because you’re treading along your choice.

But we are aware it’s easier said than done. Thus, this is where the next piece of advice will come in handy.

#3: Impose boundaries

Remember we mentioned in the introduction that a toxic parent does not respect set boundaries? Regardless of that, it is still essential to impose one or a few because it’s necessary to maintain your emotional and mental health in such a family environment.

Yes, you might feel like you don’t possess the “right” to set up a boundary, but think about it. It could just be the very thing that your toxic parent has taught you to believe all along. Boundaries are crucial for any relationship, though they may be challenged in a difficult one.

McBain suggests that we start small. For example, “I can’t talk on the phone while I’m at work.” can help you build your way to “I will be spending Christmas with my partner’s family this year.”

#4: Don’t see change as an aim

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Once you are aware that your parents are toxic, it’s possible to want to change them. You know what? Don’t. It may be impossible to change anyone’s behaviours instantly, and it’s probably only going to end poorly.

Instead, focus on changing your behaviour or perspectives to make the situation better going forward. Sharon Martin, a licensed counsellor and psychotherapist, rightly shares her view in her article titled “You Can’t Solve Other People’s Problems: How to Stop Trying to Change Others”.

She says, “Try to focus on what’s in your control and the problems that you can solve. And remember that if you’re feeling particularly frustrated with your inability to change or solve a problem, you may be trying to solve someone else’s problem.”

#5: Pen down your emotions

As we come to a close, we want you to know that we understand how difficult it is to be at a toxic parent’s beck and call, 24/7. Not only is this unreasonable, but it’s also emotionally draining.

As such, take time to journal down your emotions. While talking about a problem to a trusted friend or relative is useful, they are two separate matters. Journaling practices can lead to various positive outcomes on happiness, goal attainment, and even several regards of physical health.

If you’re seriously considering therapy with a certified professional, then journaling would assist you in sharing your thoughts better during those sessions.

Final thoughts

a woman sitting on a chair facing the window

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Realistically speaking, most of us face toxic parents to varying degrees, and there’s no right or wrong method to deal with them. But if there’s one thing you can do, that is to ensure that you put your needs first and reach out for support before you explode.

If it helps, impose boundaries and schedule a meeting on your terms. Don’t see changing them as your ultimate goal because that will only frustrate you further. Also, consider spending some time penning down your thoughts and signing up for regular therapy sessions to help you cope better.

Sometimes, professional guidance can aid us to put things into perspective. Cheer up!