Marriage & Family Archives | Page 42 of 80

A family therapist shares with us signs signalling a marriage has reached its endpoint

When two lives come together to build a new family, there’s bound to be friction. While some people try to work around it and eventually see success through prolonged counselling sessions, not everyone manages to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes, the risks of staying together may even outweigh the benefits. So how does one realise that it’s meaningless to hold on any further? A family therapist shares with us signs signalling a marriage has reached its endpoint.

#1: Varying values and personalities

While there’s some truth in the belief on how “opposites attract”, couples with varying values and personalities may not be able to stay together for long.

Dr Stephanie Azri, a family therapist with two decades in clinical settings, asks us to picture these scenarios:

A partner who hates physical activities but married to one who loves hiking every weekend.
An introverted person with an extroverted spouse who needs to invite friends over every night.

These are fundamental differences we’re talking about, and if negotiations cannot get a couple anywhere, it could be a telltale sign to let go.

#2: Prey to domestic violence

Do you know that domestic violence may include physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse?

No one is deserving of domestic violence because it hurts, and the experience tends to stick through one’s adult years. If you’ve been prey to aggressive partners for some time now, don’t keep mum about it.

Call the 24-hour National Anti-Violence Helpline at 1800 777 0000 if you need to speak with trained social workers regarding abuse and violence. Even if you’re not a direct victim but know of someone who may be undergoing domestic violence, reach out.

#3: Communication and compromise breakdowns

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Communication is vital in any relationship. An obvious result of a communication breakdown is that you can’t seem to get on the same page anymore.

“I found that when one or both partners stop using manners, talk with a tone that speaks volume, or a body language that serves to intimidate, it can be a sign that the marriage got to a point where it is time to get some serious relationship coaching, or move on,” says Dr Azri.

Let’s not forget to mention that communication and compromise go hand in hand. When communication is through, at least one party attempts to give in for the greater good. But if there’s a crack in both areas, then maybe your marriage has reached its final stages.

#4: Missing common goals

Are you and your spouse heading in the same direction? Different individuals have different marriage goals, and it’s not possible to be 100% in sync all the time.

However, there should be at least a few common goals that both of you share. Think of it as a compass guiding you two on the same path. It could be a dream trip somewhere, buying a new condominium, or starting a new family journey with little ones.

If you find yourself missing common goals, this could indicate that it’s time to get back on track and walk together or take steps to move on mutually.

#5: Running the show alone

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Some people don’t mind running the show alone, but flying solo isn’t all that great a balance in a marriage.

It’s impossible to reach a 50-50 contribution for the family since everyone has their fair share of routine and responsibilities. What we’re suggesting is that you shouldn’t be doing everything alone and feeling bitter and lonely about it.

“It is not normal to find yourself in a relationship where you don’t feel like you can share, discuss and/or negotiate roles, jobs, and responsibilities with your partner. If you are in this situation, I’d advise seriously talking about it,” noted Dr Azri.

#6: Zero or unfulfilling sexual intercourse

Dr Azri is also an accredited sexologist, and she feedbacks that there are many married couples with zero or unfulfilling sexual intercourse routines.

“Sex is an important part of a relationship and if a couple is disconnected, not attracted to their partner, unable to sexually relax, or simply not interested in having sex together, it may be safe to say that this relationship is more of a friendship (at best) rather than an intimate one,” she explains.

While couples may seek sexual therapy to find out the underlying issues, the absence of sex in any relationship is a big red flag that your marriage has reached its endpoint.

#7: Forgiveness is out of the question

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As we come to a close, know that in every relationship, there’s bound to be some lies told. But when these lies get bigger, they can lead to mistrust, betrayal, and even relationship trauma.

If you can’t seem to move on, this indicates that forgiveness is out of the question. When there’s no forgiveness, grudges will slowly build-up, and this may lead to hatred over the long term. This is especially so if your partner continues to cheat on you or does hurtful things without considering your feelings.

“A healthy separation is better than a bad marriage. Accept that divorce isn’t a failure, but rather, the maturity to acknowledge that our needs have evolved and we are strong enough to step outside the present to look ahead to the future,” highlights Dr Azri.

Budgeting 101: How to Be Financially Ready for Your Parents’ Care Needs

Budgeting is not that easy, especially for those who are low-income earners. It can be frustrating when most of your salary goes to your bills. This is why it’s important to know how to be financially responsible. Managing your money is the best way for you to survive and even gain the opportunity to invest in things that will improve your overall quality of life.

This includes investing in our parents’ care options. Indeed, aging can be a complicated process. There are seniors who live with or suffer from medical conditions that require special attention, support, and assistance from equipped facilities. In that case, being the children or the family members that look after them, it’s crucial for us to be financially prepared to help them live more comfortably and happily.

In this blog post, we’ll be giving you tips on how to be financially ready for your elderly parents’ care needs.

Why do you need to invest in senior care?

Saving up for your parents’ care options is important due to many reasons.

For instance, you don’t have enough time to care for them. Maybe you have a family of your own who needs looking after or you have a full-time job to tend to. Or, let’s say you can take care of them personally. However, you do not have the right care facilities in your home or your living environment is not the place for them to get better.

All these factors and so much more are to be considered for investing in senior care services.

There are plenty of senior care options made available such as Nursing Homes, Assisted Living, Independent Living, Memory Care, Respite Care, and In-Home Care. All these are developments made to provide seniors with access to professional nursing care, assistance, and medical care.

How much does senior care cost?

Choosing the right care option for your aging parents can be overwhelming at the beginning. But the best thing you can do is to have them assessed to determine their level of need. Knowing which senior care is best for them will also help you figure out how much budget you will be needing.

To know how much, you need money you need to save up, you first need to know how much you are saving for. It’s important to be familiar with the costs of the various senior care options even when the possibility of availing them for your parents is still far away.

Remember, proper anticipation will lead to less frustration.

Here are the estimated costs of each senior care option:

Nursing homes: Nursing homes are clinic-like senior care facilities that provide professional nursing care 24/7. A higher level of assistance is needed by its care recipients. The rates of Nursing Homes may vary depending on whether your loved one needs only short-term or long-term care and if they’ll be staying in a shared room or private room.

General cost ranges from $1,200 to $3500 per month (if it’s a shared bedroom) and $4,000 to $6,500 per month (if it’s a private single-bedroom)

Assisted Living: Assisted Living facilities offer a wide range of services for the elderly who require less demanding care services. This includes assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs), transportation, daily meals, planned activities, and many more.

General cost ranges from $2,300 to $4,500 depending on the services and facilities availed by the care recipient.

Independent Living: This is the optimal choice for seniors who want to make the most out of their retirement years and require only assistance with more complex day-to-day tasks such as housekeeping, laundry, and others.

General cost ranges from $1,900 to $4,100 depending on the services and facilities availed by the care recipient.

Memory Care: This facility focuses on providing care, treatment, and support to seniors that are living with dementia or other forms of memory impairment. There are various programs instituted to help reduce the progression of their diseases such as therapy and planned activities.

General cost ranges from $2,500 to $5,000 depending on the needs and facilities availed by the care recipient.

Respite Care: This care service is provided to the elderly whose own caregivers decide to take a much-needed break. This was established to help caregivers give importance to their physical and mental health as well.

General cost ranges from $100 to $150 per day.

In-home Care: This is personal care and assistance provided to seniors who desire to remain in their respective homes. Although this sets a more comfortable and familiar environment for them, it does not have the complete set of senior care amenities and features that you would commonly find in actual facilities.

The nationwide cost for this is around $22 per hour.

How to budget finances for senior care costs?

Senior care services may seem to be heavy on the pocket. However, that is the reality. Besides, these care services are a worthy investment (still depending on the care service provider of course) because they will help your aging parents enjoy a more comfortable, secure, and happy life—the kind of life that doesn’t end in suffering or experience further problems.

Here are valuable tips that you can follow to be financially ready for your parents’ care needs:

Discuss budgeting with your parents

Some aging adults refuse to believe that they’ll be needing long-term care, even the ones living with chronic illnesses. Some of them may be skeptical or just do not like the idea of moving into a facility surrounded by strangers. However, you have to make them understand how important this is to them and to you.

Team up with them in terms of budgeting. Surely, some of their budgets will also go into their care needs so it’s extremely essential for all of you to be in the know. This is to discipline them as well and prevent any overspending on unnecessary things.

Be organized. Create a monthly expense sheet.

List your expenses every month. Knowing where your money is going will help you track down every penny better. You wouldn’t end up scratching your head and wondering where a huge amount of your salary flew off to. This will also help you see your budget from a larger viewpoint, making it easier for you to control yourself and the way you spend. Also, teach this to your parents.

Choose insurance policies and plans wisely

Having life and health insurance is very important for every individual. This ensures that you don’t have to worry about expenses if you accidentally pass away or get severely ill. The insurance companies and the money you have invested in them will help you pay for the costs. However, it’s important to choose the right plan that will not be too costly for you. Insurance premiums can be paid for through various installment plans such as monthly, quarterly, or even semi-annually. Assess your cash flow and choose the plan which resonates most with you.

Turn to government subsidies, financial assistance, and schemes

The great thing about this is you and your family alone. The government extends a reaching hand towards the senior community and has implemented various subsidies and financial support towards low-income earners. Furthermore, senior care facilities also have in-house financial assistance that can help lessen the load of your spending. Keep yourself familiar with these programs so that you can apply on behalf of your aging parents.

Set a financial system

Again, learn how to be organized. Manage the inflow and outflow of your funds. As you receive your salary, properly disseminate them in the various bills you have to pay and set aside some of it for your savings and other investments, including your parents’ care needs. This will help you save up a huge budget that you can use to pay for the best kind of care for your parents.

Here’s how single-income families can cope with financial anxieties

Every family out there is different, and we ought not to compare ourselves to others. But truth be told, single-income families can lead to a heightened amount of pressure on that sole breadwinner.

Carrie Casden, financial wellness coach and president of Summit Financial Management, said, “Quite often, feelings of fear and anxiety stem from… simply perceiving that we’re out of control of our circumstances, and these sentiments can be particularly prevalent when it comes to single-income families.”

Want to take better control of your mind and financials? Here’s how single-income families can cope with financial anxieties, according to the experts.

Reorder your priorities

Casden noted that families usually have quite a few financial goals they’re aiming for, and that’s okay. However, if there isn’t enough income to put a checkmark beside the various aims, one must learn how to make changes.

Reorder your priorities by keeping in view the items lowest on the list. You can always come back and reassess your financials every quarter of the year.

Be aware of your money views

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To review your financial anxieties, it’s essential that you’re aware of your views towards money. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Are you cripplingly frugal or overzealous with spending?
Does a “spend too much” or “don’t make enough” mindset bother you?
Do you tend to avoid talking about money because they make you uneasy?

“There are different ways to reduce anxiety based on the actual issues at hand, which is why I work with clients to help them identify their specific money archetypes to understand the origin of their anxieties and behaviours around money,” said Casden.

Develop a spending plan and track your outputs

Ann James, an accredited financial counsellor and CEO of Financial Freedom Battle Buddies, recommends single-income families develop a spending plan. This will allow individuals to have a sense of control over their money and, in turn, reduce frustrations associated with the unknown.

When it comes to tracking outputs, some of us are experts with the excel sheet. But Dr Elizabeth Dunn, PhD, a happiness researcher, advises us to focus on how purchases make one feel.

“What purchases bring your family joy and which lead to feelings of regret or sadness? Maybe a long and expensive dinner out did not end up saving anyone time, and the regret over spending all of that money on one meal was not worth the spend. But your Hulu or Netflix subscription means the entire family can have a movie night together once a week, and that brings joy to the entire family,” she added.

If you’ve tried the above methods but can’t seem to get around the stress from worrying about money, ask for help.

“Seeking assistance from accredited financial counsellors, credit or housing counsellors, or financial therapists can help alleviate feelings of shame and ultimately reframe an individual’s thoughts and relationships with money,” advised James.

Do you know that the Singapore Counselling Centre offers Financial & Debt Counselling? Or you can also book a 1-to-1 Credit Counselling Session with Credit Counselling Singapore. Click through the links to find out more.

Experts share answers to your common questions on IVF

It can be both worrying and frustrating for you and your partner when things don’t go according to plan.

Conceiving may be easy for some but can be a rugged mountain to climb for others. For folks considering in-vitro fertilisation (IVF), there must be some burning questions you can’t wait to get answers to.

Good news! In this article, we will hear from experts on IVF. Keep reading if you want more deets from Dr Roland Chieng, a specialist gynaecologist and director of Virtus Fertility Centre, and Dr Loh Seong Feei, the medical director at Thomson Fertility Centre.

#1: When is a good time to go for IVF?

According to Dr Loh, couples should go for a check-up if they aren’t successful after one year of regular, unprotected intercourse. The health professional will then evaluate the sperm’s condition, your fallopian tubes, and ovulation frequency.

Once the problem that causes infertility is identified, the doctor will recommend the most appropriate course of treatment. Other than IVF, they may suggest other methods, including inducing ovulation, surgical correction of endometriosis, and removing polyps.

#2: Is IVF an excruciating process?

Dr Chieng shares that IVF will involve daily injections of follicle-stimulating hormone under the skin. It’s pretty similar to the insulin jabs that some people with diabetes have to do daily.

While it largely depends on individual requirements, the whole procedure can take up to three weeks or even longer. It’s probably a little comforting to know that the injection needle is very fine, and there will be lesser pain after the initial apprehension.

#3: Are there any health risks with IVF?

Image Credits: everydayhealth.com

Ladies, unfortunately, you might encounter risks like ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) and multiple pregnancies.

Dr Chieng noted that OHSS is a situation where an excessive response to IVF medication results in a high number of eggs and hormone levels. Some may even have to deal with excessive bloatedness and water accumulation in the lungs and abdomen in rare, severe cases.

#4: Is it true that babies conceived via IVF have a higher risk of birth defects?

Yes, in short. Dr Loh said that test-tube babies have a slightly higher risk of birth defects or congenital malformations. However, it cannot be entirely attributed to IVF.

Since many couples who opt for IVF are older, the risk of chromosomal and structural abnormalities in their newborns is higher. In addition, individuals may also face untypical sperms with underlying genetic problems that could pass on to the little lives conceived through IVF.

#5: Will we be expecting multiple babies at one go?

Based on Dr Loh’s advice, IVF treatment can lead to multiple pregnancies and births of twins or triplets. This is because more than one embryo is usually replaced in the womb during IVF to raise the chance of conception.

But it’s also good to know that under the Singapore Ministry of Health’s regulations, only up to three embryos are transferred back into the womb. Furthermore, the ministry’s co-funding regulation has advised couples to put only two embryos in the womb. This will lessen the possibility of higher-order multiple pregnancies and the birth of three or more babies.

Need some encouragement before embarking on your IVF? Read this Singapore mum’s story on her inspiring IVF journey with her partner. Take heart!

Essential steps for new mums to take after realising a pregnancy

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It can be an overwhelming episode if you’re a new mum as you go through the joys of conceiving your first child to the nerves of having to mind your body from day one.

However, fret not as we show you the essential steps to take after realising your pregnancy. Stay on this page!

Find a doctor you can trust

Apart from the pregnancy being a delightful family affair, you will need a doctor you can work hand in hand with during your pregnancy.

You should ask for recommendations from friends or family members and schedule a visit as soon as possible. Do expect some blood tests, prenatal vitamins prescription, and miscellaneous information to help you prepare for your next 40 weeks.

According to Healthline, here’s a general guide on how often you will be seeing your doctor:

once per month until week 28
twice per month from weeks 28 to 36
weekly from week 36 to birth

Talk about medications with your doctor

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Once you’ve decided on your preferred doctor, let the healthcare professional know about your existing medications and supplements.

Since some drugs can pass through the placenta, they may drastically affect your precious baby. However, do not simply stop taking them because some medications can cause severe side effects if stopped abruptly.

The safest way is to seek a medical opinion and follow through with whatever the doctor recommends. With a baby growing inside you, it’s best not to simply Google and heed online advice.

Make plans for your work schedule

Ladies who are working and plan to continue during your pregnancy and after giving birth must mind your work schedule.

Don’t forget that you will still need to keep up with your doctor appointments, and your employer should be kept in the loop of your need for time off from work. For working mums with higher-risk pregnancies, you may also wish to consider reducing your workload gradually.

Now’s also the time to start researching the child care centres near your house so your baby can be assured a place in infant care when they reach two months old.

Relook what goes into your mouth

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Since you’re not walking alone anymore for the next few months, you’ve got to assume responsibility for the life inside you. One of the main ways to protect your growing baby is to pay close attention to what you eat.

In short, alcohol and tobacco are harmful for your little one. All forms of alcohol, including beer, can result in miscarriage, stillbirth, or even disabilities. As for tobacco, the nicotine inside it can damage your developing baby’s brain and lungs.

In addition, you should also decrease your caffeine intake to about just two cups a day. Anything more than that can increase your risk of miscarriage so stay away from that if you can. By caffeine, we’re not just referring to coffee, but tea, soda, and dark chocolates too.

While you must limit the harmful stuff, be sure to have balanced meals to get all the nutrition you need for a healthy baby. Here are some excellent foods to take:

Dairy
Legumes
Whole grains
Cooked lean meats
Fruits and vegetables

Have an incredible pregnancy journey and a smooth delivery!